two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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