Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
