The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
