yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
