I accidentally had phone sex last night
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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