You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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