Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
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He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
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I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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