Define "chronic" masturbator.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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