I like my sex mixed with concussions.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
