I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
