i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
