I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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