actually, I'm a sock model
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
