one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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