He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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