i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize