The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
