He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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