The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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