Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
