Where did you get a picture of my penis
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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