i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
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