You smell like a Billy Joel song
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
