We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
