god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
