What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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