i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
