You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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