Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
