I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Pooping to opera.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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