with your own penis?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize