I'm eating all of the evidence.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
