We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
