If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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