my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
