dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He shit in the fireplace
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
