its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
