So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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