youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
