I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i need an iv and a liver transplant
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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