How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
