Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
