Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
