I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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