I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
