well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
