Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
