You smell like stripper and shame
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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