i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
