I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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