Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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