saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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