I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
