I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
