and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
he high fived his dick after we had sex
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
