i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
