He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
