coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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