Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Sober January is a disaster.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
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Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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