apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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