I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
