I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I party with great urgency now.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize