Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
