The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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