The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
