Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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