the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
