Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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