best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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