Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
