she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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