Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
